Church

The pastor aint speakin,
No one has even seen him,
He aint speakin,
So yo mama aint eatin the words,
And ya hoe of a sister in the back skeet skeetin,
Its a shame, and you know that lil bitty needs a beatin,
But its ok when the nigga that she ridin should be preachin.
So tell me whats the meanin, i can never feel the glory,
Why tf do we go to church when aint no nigga holy?

While im searchin for a point let me roll up and choke on a joint, inhale your Bs and exhale magic as if im tryin to change a love story that will forever remain tragic.

Your problem

Stale air,
Hard to breath in.
No fear,
You think your living without sin.
Problem is,
You cant put down the gin.

Now your staring at your daughter like shes your woman and no matter how many times she yells, "Daddy please dont do this, Stop!" You still end up forcing yourself on top.
And when the night ends,
In her room, your daughter's crying.
You go to her saying, "sorry baby, I aint lyin"
It was the gin, I swear it was the freakin gin.
I promise baby girl, I'll never go and do that again.

But its a cycle,
Next day you pick up another bottle.
Drink it down, drink it down and then add some moscato.
Here we go again,
Day after day.
You gave her your word,
You made a promise with tears running down your face.
Your a liar!
Your a liar is all she can scream,
before she takes the gun and says, "You were perfect in my dreams".
BAM!
This is it,
You cant stop your tears from shedding.
You couldnt stop your wife and daughter's lives from ending.
You have a drinking problem,
Damn right you have a drinking problem.
Lay down,
Take one last sip of the gin.
Lay down,
put the gun to your head,
You'll never drink again.
BAM!

My dreams

In my dreams i picture me having the perfect family,
A mom, a dad, brothers, and sisters all making perfect memories,
But i wake up,
I wake up and realize its all fake,
I wake up to yelling and screaming and somebody saying get the f*** out my face,
I go back to sleep with music blasting in my ears,
Its like im the type of person who is always living in fear,
Its crazy that i have to live in a fantasy,
But its the only way i can deal with reality,
I come from a broken home,
Where no love, no love is shown,
Could this be the reason why im always writing poems?
Yes. No. Maybe. Possibly.
I must stay in my room constantly.
Forget the outside world.
I was taught that everyone here was ment to harm me.
Forget the outside world.
I stay alone. I am alone.
Me and my mental army.

Lets just say

I was once asked a question...
What was it that made me who i am?

I could have given a simple answer such as to say the love and support of my family and friends, but that was a unsettling answer to me. I felt that a more thorough answer would be much more satisfying. Although this answer was for the person of whom the question belonged to, i found myself being the one who really needed to hear and understand it. If not for the sake of putting my heart to rest then for the sake of my sanity.
With many thoughts and puzzles in my head, finding the right words was a difficult task, but it alway is.
Stepping back and with head bowed as if i was ready to pray, i inhaled the answer. I tasted it on my tongue. A quite bitter taste but as clear as stilled water. And i exhaled the truth. this is what i said...
Lets just say it was all those times that i had to fight. It was the time that i was stuck in the dark and could not find the light. It was all the pain, misery, depression, and loss of chemistry. Lets just say it was all the lies. No truth could be found no matter how hard tried. Lets just say that all those that put me through hell mean the most to me. That i thank everyone for partaking in my agony. Lets just say that if i was to go back in time i wouldnt change a thing. No im not sayin that i loved the devilish game. But lets just say this... I learned to catch my self when i fall. To stay strong and create my own light in the dark. To scream out loud when all is silenced. To fear nothing but fear itself.
with all that was spoken in such a quick moment i hoped that this person understood. For with a tear running down my face, i did. And to to myself i quietly said, lets just say im happy.

They only love one

It's the fact that even all that there are you all choose one to raise above the others, to have held as such a magnificent statue. While the others are forced to sit back and watch and be shadows. We are not to be jealous, for if it is to uphold its ugly face we are punished. We stay silent and we patiently wait for our time to by pass the darkness and shine. I suppose it's just the life of younger siblings.

What's right

Walking away from the biggest thing in my life, that would be the greatest mistake, but so would celebrating an accomplishment that i barely worked hard for. With that being said, many humble souls find themselves at a crossroad. Not being able to choose whether to stay or walk away.
But i have chosen.
I will stay but i will not celebrate, instead i will be in the background as a mere shadow and in doing so i shall stay as a respectable and humble soul.

The perfect day

sun shining so bright,
the wind blowing just right,
breathless voices nothing can be said,
just stare over the horizon,
smiling faces and gleaming eyes,
when all is done and we go our seperate ways,
in the place that we stood words will be engraved "here lies a perfect day".